Battle field

I clutched my forehead,
I screamed in agony,
I tore off the papers,
I cried.

This battle certainly wasn't what I asked for,
The amount of blood and tears shed wasn't what I asked for,
Tests, the worst thing ever.

Ahh, my block tests starts tomorrow T.T //silently crouches in a corner and cries// Well, so as you know, I've been flunking my subjects such as Geography since I stepped into my secondary school. And there! Tomorrow I already have two tests. I'm not even ready for this shit I swear. Damn. None of the informations and terminologies are going into my brains.

I cried,
The paper stared,
I bawled,
The paper stared,
Blank

I don't really know how to cope with this. Well in primary school, I use to be the top of the top. Every single year I get the too three. Now that I've entered a prestigious school, things don't get easy anymore. Pressure from everywhere. Tired. Sick. Angry. Solemn. Yeah thats pretty much me. I've really got no interesting stories in life to tell. My life isn't as melodramatic as the others. They have romance, love, friendship, family, careers, dreams to talk about. Me? Practically nothing. Guess I'll have to be in this way :<

Love, its something curious. Its something that makes you want to taste. Its something you've seen happening to the others. You can't wait to have your own. But what if yours is an one-sided love? Things get pretty bad. Your heart gets shattered into thousands of pieces when you see him/her with another. Smiling, just to cover up this love. I don't get it. If you wanna know how he/she feels, ask. At least you stand a chance of knowing how he/she feels about you. Is it the same heart thumping sounds? Is it the same sweaty palms? Is it the same gaze in their dark and attractive eyes? Is it the same as what your soul feels? You'll only get the answer by asking. If you don't do anything to help your pathetic state, there was no move made. Things remains pretty much the same.

If you're together, trust. Remember how you first felt around him/her? Remember how you both were madly in love with each other? Remember how the both of you do sweet things a couple does together? Think of the past. If you're quarreling over a small thing, think again. Is it worth it? You've came so far, you've come together as one, here you are easily breaking apart because of insecurity. If he/she doesn't love you, leave. Don't let any feeling linger. Don't let any hate linger. Don't. You need to put your own self into the other's shoes. All this love about is trust. If your relationship is shallow, the trust would be broken easily. It means this love is not worth protecting. Just think. And put in all your trust. If you really do.

Friends, what are they? The ones that notices your presence when they need something? The ones that will backstab you because of other benefits, the ones that are friends with you simply because you're a bridge, a connection to what he/she wants? Or one that you can spill all your feelings to, without feeling judged? Its all up to you to decide who are your real friends. Don't get angry if some people don't have replies you wanted when you converse, because it simply means both of you don't get along. Its like fire and water, you get what I mean? Yep. Friends, they are there when you need them. Friend, you are there when they need you. You do everything together. Get sad together. Get hyper together. All kinds of things just to make you feel comfortable and relaxed. Once you see a possible friendship potential, don't let it slip. Chances are rare. Grab them.

Family, they're whats gonna last forever, unlike love and friendship. The blood bond will always be there. Blood is thicker than water. No matter how much you dislike them, you'd come to a realization you loved them more than anything when something happens. Appreciate what you have, before you appreciate what you had. For me, I put family first, over friendship and love. Even if you put in a lot of love that you can't even quit, you'd never get hurt, you're a family, you're one. For love and friendship, if the bond is not strong enough, eventually it shatters and breaks. However if too much feelings is put it, you'll find yourself crying yourself to sleep, wishing everything will go back to it use to be.

Ok I'm being a life morals guru here lmao. But I'm saying what I think okay :) Oh and by the way, I deleted my Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. I'll install them back after my block tests. Ugh distractions. //toss phone out of window// haha I'm being lame. Have a nice day! :)

Hi guys Hey ladies

Hello c: Its about 12AM over here at Singapore. I've decided to type this blog post since it has been a while since I did show all my thoughts and hectic schedule here.

So yeah, my schedule has been jam packed with block tests, quizzes, student initiated assessments, practicals... So on and so for. You name it, I have them all since this year. I know life in a prestigious school is not as easy as the normal and carefree life I use to lead back in my primary school. I regretted not putting my best foot forward during my primary school and instead, wasting my precious time on useless things such as ranting and gossiping. They don't improve my situation do they? The only thing that can make a difference is how we look at life and how we live our life.

Apparently if you look at something on the bright and positive side, you will feel this sense of encouragement and ecstasy in your heart and soul. Instead of running away from all sorts of problems, you face them. Now at least you stand a chance to win. However if you look at the dark side of things, they get real complicated and shit stuffs happen. Things get real when more problems started invading in when you haven't settled the previous one. Fml huh. But it all depends on the way you look at stuffs so I guess /shrugs/

Oh and tomorrow I have like three important tests chained together I CANT BREATHE. I did last minute revision but apparently nothing goes into my mind LOL /sobbing/

OHHH YES. I feel like there's a need to talk about this common topic called love. Oh hey I know everyone likes handsome guys or pretty girls right? But its really creepy if you don't know them and you just stalk them everywhere, physically or on the social media its like you know everything about him/her but doesn't know each other. Put yourself in their shoe its like I-know-I'm-Attractive-But-No-Just-Stahp thingy. Its really shallow of people who fall in love with people for their appearance and not for their character. Well idol crushes are understandable, they're different cases. But hell no you're not a horny teenager who goes around stalking every attractive looking person and falls in "love" with them even though you do not know them personally. I despise people like this. I don't believe in love at first sight to be honest.


I guess I'll stop here for the day /yawns/ I'm sleepy so nights everyone! Here's pictures of my ideal bedroom :) ENJOY ^.^

Creys

So its Sunday already . The last day of my dearest March Ho(mework)lidays T.T School starts next week & I'm like sobbing because my homework is not completed yet . Oh well , and block tests are coming up as well . HeheHEHEHEHE c: ／给你包子／ Today the seniors brought us to the Guide House at Bishan to buy our guide uniform . Well it was pretty cool and fun there .

Ok nothing much to say . So should I just spam with pictures ? LOL .

Back from camp

HELLO ! I'm back from my LSC camp in school :) Feeling quite glad to be home right now but part of me wants to go back to school , curls into a ball and continue sleeping like there's no tomorrow . Gonna start on my homework and revision for my block test soon :D Gambatte and hope I'll stop procrastinating and being so bad tempered already .

So during LSC, we had dragon boat on the first day . It was scorching hot but we had fun splashing the reservoir water at the other boats. We named ourselves Potatoes and the other half of the class Tomatoes. Since I'm sitting at the front I got splashed like 10 times by the pails T^T It was pretty fun and enjoyable except that my hands were aching like mad when I got home.

Day two hmmm ... We did heritage tour. So we had to find stations with the clues and then find out more about our school's history . I feel happy to be able to contribute to one of the questions in the history quiz :> But we were running everywhere so I was like walking all the way while the others are running like rockets. It was unexpectedly fun but again, tiring .

Then the third day is our residential camp yaaay *throws confetti* We did inter-class games and there's floorball, volley ball and captains ball. I took volley balm and our team got second even though I only helped in one match. Then one of the girls on my team was like : you also never do anything! Then I'm like : MEHHH . Don't really bother to care at least I contributed something that means I'm not a freeloader (?) in the afternoon we did team games and we just had to run and run and run and I gave up and wriggled into the sleeping bag after returning to the classroom. Our mascot is like.... Uhm unsightly somehow. Its distorted D:

And that night there's the movie night ( yaaaay ) I didn't really watch the full movie because I was lying on the floor of the hall together with some friends and talking about other stuffs. I love the atmosphere <3 Its like peaceful and comfy :3 the movie was really nice and there's a lot of sweeeeeeet moments.

Thursday, we spent the day practicing for our class performance. Guess what I cried because I was so frustrated when I'm part of the dancer troupe but they won't pay any attention to me and teach me the dance steps. Ugh so I just gave up. I returned to the classroom after going to the toilet. My form teacher don't even care about me anymore ( ughhhhh ) . But some peeps still realized I'm sad and they provided me tissues and hugged me, giving me words of encouragement with some hilarious comments. Feel so touched I cried again so they have to keep taking tissues for me ( LOL xD )

The performance was quite badly done but anyway we tried our best. Oh by the way, the one third ( which is 2 people ) asked me if I was okay. At least they still have some empathy but the others don't even care and just stare at me. Can't care more about them but they were complaining about the dance and how they're annoyed. I could feel that they wanted to cry as well but well, almost all of them cried before :X so yep I was happy when I finally saw my dad in the night and every time I thought about how my dad will be there and if I cry , how sad he will feels . So I tried to put up a smile and didn't tell him anything about it . Just said I was happy & tired. Its a lie but a white one isn't it :)

Friday, which is today, we packed our luggage and did area cleaning. Our group was watching the school ( next to ours ) sports meet and basically jeering a lot , like A LOT . But they can't hear us cause we're like so far away. But I saw their sprint! Quite awesome though ^.^ anyways , the camp gave me a mixed feeling but I have to be happy from now on because apparently even if you're depressed it doesn't help and nobody does anything to help you. They have their own business to mind so yep, BE HAPPY :)

Its like 11 PM here , good night! And thank you the previous anonymous who commented on my post . REALLY REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR KINDNESS . I hope I'll cheer up more and look on the bright sight of the life . After all , a rainbow only appears after a thunderstorm :D

Troubled

Hello, nobody will probably see this but I'm still gonna let out all my feelings and thoughts here instead of bottling them up and keeping them to myself.

It hurts to do so.

So well, basically I feel so left out, hurt, ostracized, stereotyped, judged in school. I'm alone all by myself. Nobody likes me and some even spat at me at times using sarcasm. Maybe they don't realize this hurts me but I must say it still hurts like hell. I think a lot of people are experiencing the same thing as me and those of you who are reading this will be like : ugh suck it up bimbo, you're not special or anything, attention seeker.

But really, I do need to voice this fuck out if not I'll be really super depressed. I'll assume that someone is reading this and caring for me silently even if I'm cheating myself. Its a white lie :)

My classmates (don't specify who) already have their own clique. They seldom talk to me unless they need something. Some of them are so stuck up at times I can't stand them even though I know they don't mean it, not on purpose. But I feel really solemn in the heart. Physically, mentally, literally the whole class is hurting me indirectly. What have I done to deserve this both in secondary school and primary school? Even tuition centre. Nobody likes me so I cry everyday either alone in class or in the middle of the night when everyone thinks that I'm sleeping peacefully.

I don't even tell my soft toys what is happening I just cry with them and hug them tightly. They're my only friends I can rely and trust. Especially this person (sorry I'm not gonna say her name). I don't know why she has been so cold to me, basically just ignoring me on purpose and I realized I'm the only person she's treating like this. She pretends to be friendly and say : awww I love you <3 but deep in her heart she doesn't mean it. What are words if you really don't mean them when you say them? Lies, lies, lies. I feel betrayed.

She's just against me in everything and leaving me out of things. I bet some of my classmates gather together and gossip about me behind my back. This has previously happened to this girl in my class and I joined in as well, ignorant as fuck. She was ostracized, left alone without friends and I fell really bad. Its not entirely her fault and I wanted to be her friend. However this gang I've been talking to continued bad mouthing her and I was like, I'm gonna mood-swing and ditch you all but I'm not talking to this girl as well. Really bad of me huh? Making both sides hurt by sitting on the fence.

Then eventually, the bad thing landed on me. I was treated the same as the previous girl but what is worse is that my "friends" still throw me some sentences at times. I don't need your pity I'm not a beggar, I need friends. I treat friendship more importantly than love.

What if I can't juggle both properly? I mess up my kinship as well. I've been treating my parents with disrespect and they're apparently disappointed in me. I can't help it but cry. What have I done to get this? I feel ... Lost .

Someone help me .

Birthday Bash

KONNICHIWA ! Okay so there's a special event today :) That is my classmates celebrated my birthday & made a surprise party during recess today <3 AWWW SO SWEET .

Firstly in the morning , I received birthday presents like EXO iPhone Button Sticker , Pencil case , Pouch , Sticky ( <3 ) , 2 b'day cards , a file and PIGLEEEET EEEEP xD . I feel really shocked and touched by their actions . To be honest , in my past six years , only around 2 best friends would be kind and thoughtful enough to buy me birthday presents .

Oh the irony . Classmates for six years : Not even a simple birthday wish . Classmates for barely one month : B'day surprise party , a handful of presents , beautiful hand-made cards , self-made cake (OMG !! <3) , tons and tons of b'day wishes & hugs .

So we smashed birthday cake ( especially cream ) on each other's faces . Of course I'm the most targeted one and ended up getting cream all over my face and some on my hair even . I really wanted to cry and say thank you to everyone , but I just couldn't . And I don't know why . Although I may have a stone-like face , I'm actually bursting with happiness inside :) I REALLY APPRECIATE THESE , GUYS !

After school we stayed behind and did our CNY classroom decorations . It was pretty messy and tiring but enjoyable and fun . We went out to watch the SJAB practice and were imitating them ( naughty kids huh ) . And there was the lion dance troupe and we were literally squealing at the cute little lions . Kekekekekeke .

Then I went home and was totally worn out . My back and arms are aching like hell . And I'm quite sleepy right now .


CAN'T BELIEVE I'M TURNING 14 TOMORROW ;)

Its Monday tomorrow

Hi ! Nothing really out of the ordinary this weekend , so I'm gonna briefly say some stuffs and move on to my INSPIRATIONAL SPEECH :D

So yesterday night , my father insisted on bringing me out . I had to agree even though I was unhappy about the idea . I just hate the outside world a lot . A LOT . Call me anti-social or whatever , but I'm just that way sometimes I even feel uncomfortable breathing in the fresh air . First off , we went to my uncle's house . Even though he did not reprimand me , I could see from his facial expressions that he was upset and angry at me for not visiting them for ages . Hey , its not like I have nothing better to do right ? You don't even understand how busy I was all the while in school suffocating in the whole load of homework waiting for me to finish them .

After that , we went to CWP to shop for my CNY clothes . I LOATHE SHOPPING FOR CNY CLOTHES GRR . It took quite a long time before we picked out two outfits . A 3/4 sleeve sweat dress , a 3/4 sleeve sweat tunic and leggings pants . They're comfortable but I dislike wearing dresses . It makes me uncomfortable :( But my mother was really against these two outfits because its kind of like ... The clothes worn in autumn . So she bought me out today morning to shop for new clothes . She first picked out a dress and its like for those age ranging from 15-30 or something but dude , I'm freaking 13 . So my mother was against the idea and left that shop . She wanted to buy me jeans shorts but I'm really uncomfortable wearing shorts because it will expose my legs . I feel weird wearing shorts hmph :< . So she gave up the idea of purchasing new clothes for me .

Today I'm slacking for the 192839392109128th time :( Lazing around and not moving my ass is becoming me hobby . Will be doing my homework tonight bleh :p

NOW *drum rolls* ... ITS INSPIRATIONAL SPEECH TIME ! :D

I've always wanted to be born with a silver spoon . If I was rich , impossible will not exist in my dictionary . Money can do a lot of things even though it isn't anything . Money is something powerful that could turn man against each other for GREED . Yes , the words "Money can't buy everything" are hung on everyone's mouth every single day . Action speaks louder than words . But have anyone ever showed the true meaning to this phrase ? No . So why bother to say it just to make you look "beautiful" and not materialistic then ? Everyone is , isn't it ? I am not afraid to admit that yes , I love money . Who doesn't ? If you say you don't , transfer all your money to my bank now (LOL xD) .

If you have money , you'll definitely get a lot of advantages for that . Like when you're young , you will get many tutors so that you will find out your talents way faster than normal people and then build on it . Even if you fail , you can still excel in studies isn't it ? You won't be worried over things like "Hey , what if I don't have enough money for lunch ?" And stuffs like that . You could get whatever you want . You could be a spoilt brat but one day you have to learn how to stand up , how to be independent , how to be as successful as your parents . They will be your role model , giving you inspirations everyday . Its just ... Amazing to be rich . Sometimes I still do whine and complain . Why weren't my parents rich and as successful as the others ? Why ? I would place all the blame on them and cry . Why couldn't they be like that ? Is it that difficult ? Jealously would run through my veins , spreading like wild fire . I'm not being filial , I'm being an ungrateful bastard who will not appreciate the wonderful things I have in my life . I have a caring mother , a devoted father , a warm and comfy house . I have dozens of friends , a couple of enemies , enough money to survive for the week . Yes I may not be a smart ass , neither am I talented , but I'm just me right ? :)

So I really hope people will appreciate the things you have . Sometimes don't always look at the bad side . Think of the advantages as well ^^

End of today's inspirational speech goodbye !