Just a burden

I feel like I'm just burdening everyone. At first, I feel frustrated. Why can't anyone just be sentimental and understand my feelings thoroughly. Its so hard to keep all the anger to myself. In the end, when I try to vent on the social media, everyone judges me and eventually whispers behind my back. I'm sorry but that totally wasn't meant for you to see. You don't like my rants? Unfollow, block, unfriend, whatever you want. I'm tired of bottling up every single tinge of hurt I'm feeling. And you'll never understand me. You all always say that its no big deal, but are you someone who is that twisted and broken like me? 

I hate hypocrites.. 

People who ditch their friends for those "cooler" and more "popular" people to hang out with. Aren't you ashamed of yourself? I'm sure you don't have to make up any kind of excuse just to try to boot lick both parties. Speak the truth, and not let your actions do it all for you. I'm so disgusted at people who pretend to be friendly and then goes: "oh lol I have better things to do so I'm not gonna talk to you anymore."

I'm sorry but you have been officially labelled as a shallow faggot.

Those people who appears like they're helping everyone and being friendly, at the back, they stab everyone. I have this feeling that my entire class is filled with just shallow people (except for a few) who have totally no idea what life was like and they pretend to be. Sure, I'm so egoistic to indirectly consider myself as someone wise, but isn't it better than people who refused to accept compliments? Like they drowns in: "no, I'm not smart/pretty/talented at all!" 

If I compliment you, I really mean it. Jolly well take my compliment and not be a fucking bitch and reply with those kind of things like: "you're better." Its so bloody god darn obvious you're so much better. Sorry if you think that I complimented you just to get a compliment myself. No, I just want you to be aware of the good points about yourself. 

So why can't you not be so "mainstream" and thinks that its only right to deny it? I'm so tired, I'm not like the others okay? 

From frustration to sadness. I just feel that people always tell me: "you can talk to me when you're feeling down okay?" but when I really tell them, they purposely shun themselves away from me and indirectly showed that they didn't want to be involved in me and my silly emotions. So when I gave you all those advices and encouragements, you'd gladly accept them and feel much better.

Moreover, your concerns are so much smaller and more trivial as compared to mine. 

Afraid of getting a B instead of an A? I'm sorry but as a student with a below average C grade I can't do no shit but feel even worse after you tell me about you getting a B. You have found the wrong person to talk to. But then what was my reply? Did I shoo you off with a cold glare? No, I was the one who typed until fucking Whatsapp limit just to cheer you up. And what was your reply after I feel down with all the pressurizing environment? 

You left.

Its understandable how you could not understand me after you get up from an all time low. I'm so sorry for bothering you then (?) You say you're trying, but no, anyone could see that there was no signs of you working hard. You suck big time. (I'm not indirectly saying about anyone. Its just practically almost everyone) 

I feel so sad whenever a friend is lost just because that friend ditched real friendship for something "more". Materialistic. So you hang out with people who are so "high up in the air" instead of your old usual cheery circle of understanding friends? Great choice. 

Some people are just not contented with what they have. They have friends all around them and they apparently enjoyed their accompany. Don't come and tell me in my face that you have no friends. Sorry but did I hear it quite right? 

Then look at me. I have no friends. I come to school with no one greeting me good morning while everyone is buzzing with one another. I didn't want to go for lunch not because I'm dieting or lazy to go down. Its because I have no friends to have lunch with. I go home alone. Even when I really try and initiate to ask others to go home with me, they quickly make up some excuses and sheepishly smiles at me. I'm so hurt. It feels like a thousand needles are pocking my heart.

I'm invisible. 

That doesn't matter, even the people I thought I'm close with chose to befriend other people. When you're alone, I was with you. Now you're popular, you ditch me? I'm so disappointed. Your actions betrayed your words of false promises. 

My mom told me to focus on my studies and ignore the others. But how to? Everyone's so competitive and shallow. Annoying thing is, I can't find anyone to confide with. I'm just a burden to everyone. 

I just deleted the hearts on most of those that I have added in my contacts. I treat them as a part of me. But I don't get my fair share of love. I'm so upset. I know I'm not up to standard. 

 But please, shower me with some love?